Your Attachment Style

On this page you will find a test on your relationship style. This test only shows a brief excerpt and serves only as an initial guide. It gives you an indication of your result. We offer the full test and a detailed analysis in our coaching sessions and events.

Find Your Attachment Style – 10 Questions

How do you feel in close relationships?

a) I feel comfortable and safe to allow closeness.
b) I am often afraid that my partner might leave me.
c) I like closeness, but I often need my space.
d) I am unsure whether I want closeness and prefer to keep my distance.

How do you react if your partner doesn’t reply to a message straight away?

a) I think to myself that he/she is busy at the moment.
b) I am worried that I have done something wrong.
c) I feel unwell, but try to distract myself.
d) I feel stressed but try to ignore it.

How do you deal with conflicts in relationships?

a) I talk about it openly and find solutions.
b) I often worry whether the conflict is jeopardizing our relationship.
c) I avoid talking about it to avoid arguments.
d) I withdraw in order to protect myself.

What do you think about your own neediness in relationships?

a) I have healthy needs that I can express clearly.
b) I often have the feeling of being too needy or dependent.
c) I don't need much closeness and manage well on my own.
d) I feel torn between closeness and independence.

How do you react when you feel hurt in a relationship?

a) I share my feelings and work on solving the problem.
b) I'm worried about whether I can save the relationship.
c) I withdraw in order to protect myself.
d) I vacillate between the desire for closeness and the need for distance.

How do you feel about the sentence: “I am lovable just the way I am”?

a) I fully agree.
b) I want to believe that, but I often have doubts.
c) I don't think it's so important whether I'm lovable.
d) I feel insecure and have difficulty believing it.

What is most important to you in a relationship?

a) Trust and mutual support.
b) Confirmation and the feeling of being needed.
c) My freedom and independence.
d) I don't know exactly what I want.

How do you feel when your partner spends a lot of time without you?

a) This is not a problem for me as long as there is a balance.
b) I often feel neglected and worry.
c) I find it pleasant because I need my freedom.
d) I feel uncomfortable, but I don't know how to deal with it.

How easy do you find it to trust others?

a) I usually trust other people easily.
b) I am often afraid that they might disappoint me.
c) I rarely trust so as not to get hurt.
d) I want to trust, but I am afraid of closeness.

How would you describe your relationships with close people in the past?

a) They were mostly harmonious and supportive.
b) They were often characterized by fear of losing someone.
c) I have tried to avoid too much closeness.
d) They were often chaotic and unpredictable.

Your attachment style - instructions for evaluation

Count how often you chose a, b, c or d. The answer you chose most often shows your primary love language!

a = Secure attachment style: You feel comfortable with closeness and trust.
b = Anxious attachment style: You strongly seek closeness and confirmation.
c = Avoidant attachment style: You often keep closeness at a distance in order to maintain independence.
d = Anxious-avoidant attachment style: You feel torn between closeness and distance.